Gentle parenting has become a popular approach in recent years, encouraging parents to raise children with empathy, respect, and emotional connection instead of fear or punishment.
Its core message be calm, be kind, and set a good example resonates with many families. But as more parents try to follow this method, questions are being asked: What do experts really think about it?
Does it work in the real world? And why are some parents starting to move away from it? This article explores what psychologists say about gentle parenting, the challenges families face, and how to strike a healthy balance.
What Do Psychologists Think of Gentle Parenting?
Many psychologists support gentle parenting because it builds emotional connection, respect, and avoids harsh discipline. It can strengthen parent-child bonds, boost emotional intelligence, and reduce anxiety.
Dr. Laura Markham promotes this approach, emphasizing calm, emotionally aware parenting. It also aligns with attachment theory, which links secure early relationships to better mental health later in life.
However, some experts caution that without structure, gentle parenting can become too permissive. Dr. Erica Reischer stresses the need for clear rules and limits. Overall, while gentle parenting is widely supported, balance with firm boundaries is essential.
Why Are Some Parents Ditching the Gentle Approach?
Even though gentle parenting has good goals, many parents are choosing to move away from it. On social media, parents share how hard it is to always stay calm and patient. Some feel burned out or believe the method doesn’t work for their kids.
1. Emotional Exhaustion
Gentle parenting asks a lot from parents emotionally. It takes a high level of self-control and awareness. For busy or stressed-out parents especially single parents or those with little help it can be too much. When they lose their temper or fail to stay calm, they feel guilty. Over time, this emotional burden becomes too heavy, and some give up on the method.
2. Unrealistic Expectations
Social media often shows a perfect version of gentle parenting. We see peaceful homes, well-behaved kids, and calm parents.
But real life isn’t like that. Kids scream, hit, refuse to listen, and test limits. When parents can’t match the “Instagram version” of gentle parenting, they may feel like failures and stop trying.
3. Behavioral Problems
Some parents say their children misbehave more with gentle parenting. If rules and consequences aren’t clear, children may not learn what behavior is okay.
Without structure, some kids become more aggressive or defiant. This frustrates parents and makes them return to stricter methods.
4. Misunderstanding the Method
Many people don’t fully understand what gentle parenting means. They think it means never saying no or never correcting a child.
But that’s not true. Gentle parenting is not about letting kids do whatever they want. It includes discipline just without yelling or punishment. When misunderstood, it can turn into permissive parenting, which doesn’t help children learn responsibility.
What Are the Drawbacks of Gentle Parenting?
Even when done properly, gentle parenting isn’t perfect. Here are some common concerns raised by parents and experts:
1. Lack of Clear Boundaries
Some parents avoid setting rules to prevent upsetting their kids. But boundaries are important for children’s safety and emotional development.
Without clear rules, children may feel unsure or unsafe. Psychologists say that structure helps kids learn how to control their emotions and behavior.
2. Delayed Consequences
Gentle parenting often uses natural or logical consequences, which take time. But in real life, parents don’t always have time for long talks or deep emotional lessons. When correction is delayed, some behavior problems may get worse before they get better.
3. Parental Guilt
Many parents believe that if they stay calm, their child will behave. But kids are still learning and will act out no matter what. This belief can make parents blame themselves when things go wrong. It creates guilt and pressure that’s hard to manage.
4. Blurred Parent-Child Roles
Gentle parenting promotes respect, but some critics say it can blur the line between parent and friend. Children need parents who are kind but also clearly in charge. If parents avoid upsetting their child at all costs, kids may not learn how to handle frustration or respect authority.
Striking the Balance: The Middle Path
No one parenting style works for every family or child. Many psychologists now recommend an authoritative style. This method combines warmth and emotional support with clear rules and expectations. It encourages understanding and respect without giving up on discipline.
Gentle parenting can work well if it’s done with clear boundaries and realistic expectations. It’s not about being perfect or never getting frustrated. It’s about leading with love, staying calm when possible, and guiding your child with kindness and consistency.
If gentle parenting feels too hard, it may help to adjust the approach. Instead of trying to be endlessly patient, parents can focus on being emotionally connected and confident leaders.
Striking the Balance: The Middle Path
No single parenting style works perfectly for every family or child. Many psychologists now recommend the authoritative style.
This approach combines warmth and emotional support with clear rules and expectations. It promotes understanding and respect without giving up on discipline.
From a psychological point of view, parenting can also be seen through two types of well-being: hedonic and eudaimonic.
- Hedonic well-being is about maximizing immediate happiness and comfort while minimizing stress. This often matches some parents’ wish to avoid conflict, frustration, or negative feelings in gentle parenting.
- Eudaimonic well-being focuses on long-term growth, meaning, and character development. It accepts that short-term challenges—like setting firm limits or letting children face frustration—help build resilience, emotional control, and deeper life satisfaction over time.
Final Thoughts
Gentle parenting has brought a positive change in how we think about raising children. It moves away from fear-based methods and focuses on empathy, connection, and emotional growth. Many psychologists support these ideas. But like any method, it only works if used wisely.
Without clear rules and realistic goals, gentle parenting can fall apart. Parents need to feel confident in setting limits while still being kind. Children need love and guidance not perfection.
The truth is, parenting is hard. And no method works all the time. What matters most is choosing a style that supports your child’s growth and your own well-being. It’s okay to combine styles or make changes when needed. There’s no one-size-fits-all formula only what works best for your family.
